He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
