I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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