The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
