Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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