haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
