I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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