Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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