my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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