I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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