You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
