Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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