Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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