Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
