I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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