i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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