She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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