Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i will never coherently bang her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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