Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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