He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
