I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
