She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
