I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
