I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
