It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
