I want to have your abortion
Apparently you make a good broom.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
