Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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