Pappa wants mamma naked
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
