Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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