This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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