It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
