Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
