Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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