omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
