If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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