Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
