today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
