Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize