Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
