Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
