Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drunk is a universal language darling
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