u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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