I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
