grandma shit on top of the toilet
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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