how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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