You're completely useless in the revolution.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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