so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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