Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
