I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
