I am in a vortex of obligation.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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