Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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