why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
