Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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