So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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