carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
