he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
