and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
