She is in my trunk
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
