then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
