I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
