White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
