let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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