Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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