When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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