Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
as a side note pls kill me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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