i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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