I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
